


Remember This

by thePigeoning



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I think about the birds having memory problems a lot and this is the outcome, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Stress Baking, Taako has a bit of a breakdown, and talk shit out, and to take care of himself, established taakitz, listen sometimes the boy just needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 03:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15162008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thePigeoning/pseuds/thePigeoning
Summary: Elves live too long to keep all their memories, so they can get rid of them when they need too. Taako doesn't want to forget his past ever again. Which, admittedly, can lead to a lot of buildup as life continues on.A lot of things are important.He just wishes he could remember the new stuff.





	Remember This

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey, this took forever but that's worth the angst, isn't it?

Taako was very particular about his memory, for reasons aside from the obvious. He was an elf, a long-lived creature – it wasn’t a highly effective habit to keep all that shit knocking around the dome for his entire life. He was able to toss useless information out, and keep what he wanted, what mattered – all elves could.

He used to treat this function like spring cleaning, removing algebra from old cycles that didn’t matter, the dismal recipes that he had attempted back before Sizzle it Up was a hit – he had scrubbed away things that old Taako deemed unimportant.

But now Taako kept everything important. _Everything_ important. Which, admittedly, could be a little much sometimes.

A lot of things where important.

The memories sometimes would bump each other around or become intrusive, which was what seemed to be happening now, as he beat buttermilk icing mercilessly while the cake baked for Angus’s twelfth birthday. For the moment, he wasn’t in his kitchen – he was back in cycle whatever, conversing with a delightful (very handsome) prince in the back garden of some castle estate.

He was vaguely aware that there was a bowl tucked against his waist by one arm and a whisk rapidly beating with the other, but in his mind his hands were occupied with combing that silver hair idly with his fingers and playing with the blades of the thick lawn. He could almost believe that there still was the weight of a hand on his hip, slowly and gently moving up…

Taako hummed contentedly, and almost didn’t hear the sound of the front door opening. He almost got to the part of the memory where the rating for this fic would have to go up, but he was shaken back into reality when he heard Angus’s voice pipe up from the front hall.

“It smells really good, Taako!” Angus rounded the kitchen, dropping his book bag on the table before climbing up on the bar stool to watch Taako’s progress.

Taako shooed away the pleasant memory in favour of the here and now, focusing on stringing together some comprehensive words that wouldn’t betray his daydreaming. “It’s buttermilk. Figured you need a cake for your birthday so I got something together.”

Angus smiled awkwardly, tilting his head to catch Taako’s gaze. “Um, Taako… I don’t think a cake is going to last a whole week, unless you have some cool magic for it to keep it fresh?”

“A w- a whole week? Ango, today’s the third.”

“ _Yes_ …” Angus said slowly, chin dipping. “And my birthday is on the tenth.”

“You’re shitting me.” Taako continued whisking the icing. It was close to done now, probably.

“No sir.”

“It’s totally today. I don’t forget stuff like this.”

“Ummm…”

“The tenth is a shitty day for a birthday, it’s today now. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

Angus laughed into his hand. “Sir, it’s okay if you forgot. It’s just the invitations you sent out were all dated for the tenth, so we should keep it there.”

“Damn, really?” Taako slid the bowl onto the counter, wiping his hands on his apron, if only to hide how badly they had begun to shake. “I’ll make some more next week then, for the _tenth_.”

Something was coiling itself in Taako’s stomach – guilt? No. Fear?  Yes.

He _never_ involuntarily forgot anything anymore. Not since… He shoved his hands under the tap and ran scalding hot water, rubbing vigorously. “I guess it was just a slip of the old brainbag.”

* * *

 

That night, pressed against Kravitz’s chest, ear to the sluggish heartbeat, Taako tried to rationalize. He was only mortal – he couldn’t possibly remember _everything_ , right? That’s a little more than he could possibly handle. He just needed to do a little bit of cleaning again in the brain cage and take out the trash. Maybe he could make room for birthdays by sacrificing the memories of every time he had seen the whole (or any amount) of Merle’s ass. He _definitely_ didn’t need those, thanks, Fisher.

But… _everything_ he had kept so far was important. It was who he was. If he stripped down his memories any more he’d start to lose himself. He couldn’t do that. No.

He already had his memories taken from him, and he wasn’t going back to that.

He shifted against Kravitz. “Hey… babe?” he whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Do I forget shit sometimes and you don’t tell me?”

“I would always tell you if you did.”

Taako was silent for a moment. His predicament hurt him, and he needed the proper way to frame it to his husband.

“I got Angus’s birthday wrong. Thought it was today.”

“It was just a mistake, right? Happens to everyone.” Kravitz began to draw a light line on Taako’s bicep with a nail. “Nothing life altering.”

Taako huffed. “Not for him…”

“Everyone forgets things, love.”

“I guess.”

“If you’re still worried about it later we can go talk to someone.”

The elf laughed weakly into Kravitz’s chest. “Maybe.” But he wasn’t convinced that would help. It felt like he was losing things, not just forgetting. It wasn’t on purpose.

Taako feigned sleep until Kravitz slackened beside him, false breath stilling, but the heart in his chest still beat slowly and steadily.

* * *

 

Taako slumped over his desk, eyes glazed over after reading _way_ too much paperwork. It felt like he had been going over these forms for days, and his hand was cramping badly from it.

He wished he could bolt. Oh gods, the breeze coming in through the balcony doors was tantalizing. It made him want to make an escape from his office.

When the door clicked open, he straightened a little to see Ren enter, shuffling under the weight of papers and books. She shifted them slightly in her arms and slid them onto the edge of his desk.

“I’m so sorry, Taako, this will probably end up taking a while, even with the two of us.” She sighed.

“That will be fine I guess, Kravitz is out on a long bounty. Taako’s free tonight.” He leaned his chin into his hand. “How ‘bout you go get some takeout from that fantasy Thai place?”

“Taako, it’s spring break, now, today.”

“Uh, yah, that’s why we have an asston of work to do.”

“Isn’t Angus coming home?” She cocked an eyebrow. “I bought him his train ticket. Should I send a message to the station for him to come here?”

Taako paused, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. “Who?”

Suddenly Taako dropped through his chair, then through the floor, down, down, into empty, inky black. He could move, but every twist and turn only revealed more darkness, more void. He tried to speak, to yell, but the darkness swallowed it all, then spat it back at him, constricting and jostling him until -

Taako gasped awake, shuddering, clutching at the edge of the mattress like it was going to fall away from underneath him at any moment. Kravitz’s arm draped over his waist kept Taako from floating away, before the elf slipped out from under it and onto the floor.

He didn’t want to wake up Kravitz.

He couldn’t bother Kravitz with this.

Taako crawled across the floor, roughly tugging on a shirt and leaving without a sound. The clock in the hall informed that it was buttfuck o’clock in the morning, but he ignored it entirely.

He flicked the lights on in the kitchen, trembling hands fumbling with everything that they came in contact with. Setting the oven to preheat was harder than he remembered, and getting bowls out of the cupboards produced a loud clattering as the rims stuttered against the shelves and doors and countertop.

Ingredients were swiped from the pantry, though Taako wasn’t registering what exactly he was pulling out while in this state. He wasn’t thinking properly. He was working entirely on instinct, his mind entirely elsewhere.

_How could he forget?_

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it had just been a _dream_ but the icy claw of panic had reared in his chest and had taken hold of his lungs. Squeezing and _squeezing_ and moving him about like a doll, urging him forward despite the pricking in his eyes and the tremor in his hands.

He hadn’t meant for it to happen. He didn’t want to forget. He had tried so hard to hold onto everything so why why _why_ did something slip?

He _can’t_ forget. _Especially_ about Angus, his prodigy child, light of his magical life, his _son_.

Taako moved faster now, faster than he could keep up with, even if he tried, almost blurring until- “Taako?” The bowl jumped from Taako’s grip and clattered on the floor, spilling batter and rolling on its side.

The elf went rigid. Frozen now, snapped from his frenzied state.

Angus stood on the other side of the island, dishevelled in his pajamas, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. He frowned in confusion when he saw the mess of the kitchen. “Sir, what are you doing?”

Taako opened his mouth to speak, but the words caught in his suddenly dry throat. What came out was strangled and cracked. The corners of his eyes prickled and smarted as he choked it back. There were no words for this… this _terrible_ feeling.

_Angus is here. How the_ fuck _could he forget_ Angus _?_

“Do you want me to get Mr. Kravitz?”

Taako managed to jerkily shake his head.

Angus’ foot hesitantly crossed the threshold of the disaster, making a circle around the batter spill to reach where Taako stood. “Are you okay with me hugging you, Sir?”

Taako nodded, chest tightening when his boy come close. The elf leaned into it, welcoming how Angus wrapped his arms around Taako’s chest, still too short to get over his shoulders, and pressed a cheek to his chest.

Taako grasped Angus tight to him now, trying to memorize every detail of holding onto him. This was not something Taako wanted to forget at all.

He would throw out every recipe and ingredient in his head if it meant that he could hold onto Angus forever.

“Sir?” Angus tapped his back. “Taako, you’re crushing me.”

Taako lessened his grip hesitantly, letting the kid breathe. “Just a few moments more, kid. Taako’s just…” He trailed off into the air, his mind spinning and spinning, trying to come up with the right words to describe the ache in his heart that just holding onto Angus was healing. “I’m not going to let you go on me.”

“Um… maybe at some point, maybe?” Angus shifted, offering a small laugh. “But your hugging is very nice, Taako… you don’t do it too much.”

Taako returned Angus’ sentiment with a chuff, gently letting him go.

“You know, Taako, I wasn’t mad about the cake at all.”

“I know.”

Angus gestured at the mess of the kitchen, eyebrows rising slowly.

“Completely different. Unrelated.”

“Okay, sir.”

Taako stepped over the bowl on the floor, still a little shaky, but he tried not to let it show. “I’ll clean it in the morning. Cha’boy ain’t doing that shit now.”

“Of course.”

“And since you woke up for gods know what reason, if you want to come into the master room tonight you can hop on in with me and Krav.”

Angus smiled. “That would be nice, Taako.”

“Thought so.”

Angus trailed after him into the room, waiting silently as Taako crawled into bed. The elf nestled back under Kravitz’s arm, then opened his own for his boy to tuck himself into. Taako combed through Angus’ hair gently, focusing on his breathing as it leveled out in sleep.

Taako was going to remember this.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on my tumblr at the [thepigeoning](http://thepigeoning.tumblr.com/), sit, stay awhile, have a chat.


End file.
